Because there is no place for retaliation at the foot of the cross.

I think it’s really important to stop taking things so dang personally. People usually lash out or act unkind because they are genuinely unhappy with themselves, or with the version of themselves they’ve become, or just with their life circumstances in general.

I like writing about my life. It’s therapy for me, but for so long I’ve let the fear of letting others down or “exposing” someone else keep me from speaking the words God intermittently places on my heart throughout the day.

Why?

Because I love people. I genuinely do, and I constantly replay dialogues of conversations or questions of inferiority repeatedly in my head nauseated by the feeling that I’ve hurt someone or ruined the opportunity to tell them about Jesus & what He has done for me.

But is it really about what Jesus has done for me or is it my own pride and desire to be wanted that holds me back?

Because Jesus rebuked. Jesus spoke truth regardless of what others would think about it.

But honestly, the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve become okay with being hidden. Maybe it’s being scared of what others think thing? Maybe it’s a maturity thing? Maybe it’s an “I’ve realized how cruel the world is” thing?

Whatever it is, I think it’s safe to report God calls you out of it. Right in the dad-gum middle of it too.

You see… years ago I knew it was my calling to share my story & my life with the world. Then I tried.. and failed. And tried again… and failed.

Then I found out I had lupus. (THIS was it.) LONG story short… God confirmed the calling, but I wasn’t ready.

All those years ago, it would have been easy to share my story. Not that LIFE was easy, but after walking through the past 2 years I’ve walked through…. life WAS easy. or easier.

So here I am, 29 years young, wounded by the world & my own pride over and over… and ready to share my story.

I don’t know where to start, but I’ll start somewhere.

In the trenches & the weeds, I presume, because that’s where truth usually lies.

I’ll warn you… it’s messy… & there are parts I won’t share or share, partially because I’m still protecting others… even others who’ve hurt me deeply.

People usually lash out or act unkind because they are genuinely unhappy with themselves, or with the version of themselves they’ve become, or just with their life circumstances in general.

I don’t want to be people.

Because there is no place for retaliation at the foot of the cross.